String Quartet in C Sharp Minor

Surely this cannot be the end. Grace will be granted. God has promised it. But yet I feel so alone. These past 40 days have been hard. No drop of alcohol has touched my lips, no tobacco has graced my mouth but yet I desire that buzz. I desire the stress to be gone. I desire that release in any form it can come in. Why must I wait for this to pass. Why must I pass through this hard time. What good can come of it. If this is making me stronger and better than why haven’t I seen or felt the change. All I feel is darker, farther away from God than in the past. As my favorite song plays I feel a sense of urgency. Why? I have no idea but yet its there. Its sits there beckoning me forward. There is something out there waiting for me. As I sit here and listen to “string quartet in c sharp minor” I feel the pain of a nation. I feel my own sad past creep up behind me and pull me backwards. I feel its cold hands wrap around me. Where is God in the midst of this storm that rages for me right now. Why cant I be free. Why cant I feel free. Why is this mighty weight hanging so heavy on my shoulders. IF there was someway I could release it I would. And as the strings play their subtle tune hope beckons softly to continue, but sadness arises and pain is still there as the final note drums out softly and my bed beckons me sweetly.