Unsettling Waters

Sometimes we think we have it all figured out. As if everything we do is under control. We can order our own steps, forge our own way, blaze our own personal trail. We have our own personal desires and personal plans. But those plans are not always completed in the ways we desire. We fight, claw, and press our way into premature arrivals to our desired destinations. But yet our dreams do not always come true no matter how many stars we wish upon, or how many nickels we throw into our wells of good wishing. We hope to see that our life are a fairy tale.

But our lives are no Disney story, happy endings are not an every day thing. A magical mouse, fairy dust, and tinker bell are not everyday occurrences. And through all of this when the things we think we love and care for…soon become the things we love, care for and cannot live with out. We see in our minds ourselves playing out every possible situation imaginable to overcome this dilemma. We also see every negative outcome possible in this situation. We see it vividly whether it be because of situations in the past or fear or worst of all a combination of both. It gnaws at us lying a dying rat with typhus, infecting every part of our brain until it consumes us down to our very core. We don’t see the possible joy and an exuberant outcome, only the heartache knowing we have lost something so very precious to us.

Regret soon floods the mind. The “shoulda, woulda, couldas” invade and permeate every cell until our entire body cries out begging for restoration. But restoration will not come. We are told to wait and be patient and hold on. The wait though it may be short in time drags on for decades in our lives. Each waking day holding a new challenge and nothing more than a hope to survive and make it through. We try to reconcile with hobbies praying that our minds are taken off of the pain of the current situation. We try to be patient, but in times like these patience is not a virtue found in our emotional and physical vocabulary. It strains us till we are at our wits end, devoured by thoughts of reconciliation. Holding on to us is like a man holding to a sharp ledge of a bridge overhanging the waters of doom and destruction. Our arms begin to quake and trembling, the sharp sting of cramps soon invades our muscles and we cry to be lifted out of this. But yet no help comes and we remain clinging to hope and love off of this bridge called fate. And this is only day one.

We find ourselves on our knees pleading with God for what we want. But yet we fail to recognize that what we want and we think is pure, powerful, and perfect for our lives may not be. And that pains us even more. We forget that the master designer and creator has our best interest in mind. We beg for mercy and forgiveness for past sins believing that it is something in our past that is causing this pain. We forget the immortal words of our savior in praying “Thy will be done.” Instead we plead to the father and the son interceding on our behalf….”my will be done.”

What causes this phenomena of pain and suffering? Why do we put ourselves through this agony. One four letter word that has more deadly power than an atom bomb and a lasting bond with eternal fortitude. Love. IT and only it is the motivator and creator for such pain. We find ourselves asking the question will we ever love again. Can we ever love again? And yet we are still in the midst of a personal raging tempest with no means of escape, victory, or rescue.

God save us poor souls searching for that lighthouse of serenity and peace. Grant us safe passage and clear visibility as we sail those rough waves with trepidation. May we be able to take our hand off of the helm and trust you to guide our mast. May we find peace and closesure in whatever may be the outcome of our journey. For you calm the seas. You created them just as you did us, these perilous waves, and love. May you guide us safely to port and once we are there, Lord give us peace. Amen