Hurry Up And Wait, And Wait, And Wait, And Wait Some More!!!! BUT I LOVE IT!!!

May 20^th, 2013

CH BOLC Day #1

            Well the day started off very early this morning. Holy Cow five AM came and I think that my eyes were still closed till I started shaving. My cut up face can definitely attest to that. The morning started off with a formation to only find out that some of were released to go back to our rooms. The motto for today has truly been hurry up and wait, hurry up and wait, and finally hurry up and wait. From eating as fast as possible to being everywhere at least twenty minutes early it has definitely been a readjustment back to my former Norwich Corps of Cadets days. I HAVE LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT!!!! I originally thought that I was going to have to motivate myself to re-embrace “The Suck” aka the undesirable parts of Army life. But it has been as if I haven’t been with a great friend in years. It has put a smile on my face. No matter what they throw at me I still think  that there are going to be parts where I have to keep my attitude in check and keep my spirits up, but for the most part it has been outstanding.

            The food here is great. I have enjoyed it tremendously. I don’t know if that is because I am eating as fast as I possibly can and am not tasting it but for the most part it has been good. Cant complain about the food when your not cooking it. J Even though ive been eating breakfast (which I normally don’t eat) lunch and dinner I still get hungry around 9 PM from burning so many calories. In the two days I have been here I have drank nothing but water and Gatorade with the exception of ONE can of Mountain Dew!!! Im surprised I haven’t broken out in shock, rashes, hives, or had the shakes. So we will see how that affects my system. The weather here was sunny today, not as hot but was definitely warm.

            Had some platoon assignments to complete tonight and some minor studying. Now going to grab a shower and then hopefully catch some sleep here soon. Missing every one back home. Definitely missing Chelsea as well as my family. Chelsea has been very supportive and understanding for her first experience of me being away with the military. She is a beast. A beauty but at the same time a beast in the idea that she has been very strong. I am very thankful for her and her family praying as well as my family praying and all of our friends. Hope you are all doing well. Sorry there will be a lack of pictures. We are not allowed to take pictures and post them.

And So It Begins....

May 19^th, 2013

            Well this is it. I am finally here. I am finally living my life long dream. I arrived this evening for In Processing and preliminary introductions. The campus of the United States Army Chaplain School and Center is absolutely gorgeous. Its everything the pictures, videos, and stories have made it out to be. The weather today wasn’t really the best but for the first day in CH BOLC (Chaplain Basic Officer Leadership Course) what else would be more appropriate to have than rain.
            Today really consisted of a lot of paperwork and briefings. As for a small heads up I am not going to be able to go into too much detail about the training due to rules and regulations. But I will keep every one updated as to how its going. The trip down here in the new jeep was great. I got here in Columbia on Saturday night and then CH BOLC started tonight. Decent late night, well late in the terms that five am is gonna have to be when I wake up.

            We were assigned our platoons and squads. The Lord really blessed me a great group of Men and Women to serve, train alongside of, and learn with. Top notch individuals. There are a lot of prior service individuals here and though im the youngest here it’s a advantage to learn from these other soldiers and grow under their guidance. Well that’s it for the night. Continue to keep me in your prayers. 

Where my heart is...

The crisp fall air was gently nipping at the tips of my nose and ears. Geese heading south to warmer climates we heard overhead. Fall was definitely in the air. Chatter about this years top costumes echoed through the commons. Giggles were preceded by jokes, taunts, and playful banter. School is in full swing. The freshly fallen leaves were lightly crunching under my feet as I became aware of something. I am in a completely foreign environment. The sounds of fall could not dim the sound of pain crying out in my heart. Though my body is physically in one place my mind, heart, and soul are in another.

My peaceful walk to go eat was interrupted by the vibration of my iPhone. I wanted to quickly check my email so I could continue to warm my hands. Then it hit me. It was like a bolt of lightning. It came out of nowhere with an intensity that I had never experienced in the past. This feeling was like a burning in my chest. My throat closed like an asthmatic. I knew exactly what I was staring at. My eyes scanned the email back and forth. It streamed over every aspect of the picture to see if the face is one I know. The report of another fallen soldier allowed my heart to sink deeper into my chest.

Though I am not in that unit right now physically, my heart and soul is attached to these soldiers currently deployed in Afghanistan. Its like being in two places at once. The focus is hard to keep on the here and now where I am but rather is focused on where I am not. Its like being in love with that perfect person, your perfect other and yet they are thousands of miles away. Time slows down and at times seems to pause. People begin jeering and giving you false advice to just hang it all up and turn it in. But this love is something you cannot let go.

Every morning when I wake up my mind already turns to my future. It’s the heavenly goal and responsibility that has been placed on my life. As I walk into chapel I quietly tap the glass containing the pictures of alumni serving in the armed forces as an act of support and prayer. Every time my ears capture the subtle clinking sound of my ring against the glass, I am transported to a mountain range far away and to a time in the future. I can hear the distant sounds of battle raging, I can feel the ground shaking under the immense weight of explosions, and I even can see the ultimate fear staring me back in the face from the soldiers placed under my care. I see their pain, hear their hope, and see their perseverance. I already am so aware of the frustrations that plague them. Though I am physically in one place I can sense their pain of loss with every obituary posting I read.

It’s a sense of brotherhood and an eternal fraternity that no human hand can break. It’s a belonging to something higher and more important than you that is tangible. It’s a duty that we are bound to by the ties of something invisible that grips us at our very soul. This sense of finishing the job the right way at all costs possible to help others. Every day I spend on this side of the line only increases my desire to be on the other side. It is why I was made and designed. This purpose grips me. It completely grips every fiber that is in my body. It keeps me focused on the task at hand but yet distracts me every free minute I get. Though I don’t want to go through this life alone, this calling of service is enough to keep me satisfied.

As my walk continues I notice something about my demeanor. It is that of a defeated fighter. Though he has one more round of miracles inside of him he is left gripping on the ropes for safety. He is faced with a choice. Does he stop fighting completely or does he return to his feet though battered, bruised, and bloody and continue the fight. With one goal in my I release the ropes I hold onto in my life. Though I may stagger, get hit, or even stumble to my knees the driving force, this raging beast, this calling inside beckons me to continue forward no matter the cost.

Lonely, confused, and lost I continue my walk. With the fall foliage still crackling underneath my feet a tear begins is slow and tumultuous journey down my cheek. In my minds eye, I can already see my Nike's being transformed into combat boots. This soft, leaf-covered grass replaced by colorless desert clay. The view of buildings on this campus twisted into forsaken snow capped mountain ranges. The tear in my eye feels more like sweat with each passing moment. The weight and pressure of succeeding slowly becomes a Kevlar vest and a rucksack as my iPhone transforms into a rifle. I see the end so clearly and yet for a second I am captivated and moved into the same area where my mind, heart, and soul is. For that split moment in time I am where I have been called to go, for that split moment I feel complete and lacking in nothing. But as that second fades and reality replaces the fantasy in my eyes I remember what my mission is. Finish well. When all else is fading away, finish well. When my present world is beating me down and I am up against the ropes I know I can and will spring to my feet and finish well.

Mommas Boy

Swollen, bleeding, crying in the front lawn of a friend’s house I laid there helpless and totally unaware of my surroundings. Friends began running for help. I knew then my career was in jeopardy. This was it. My dreams were lying on the ground and slipping away with each tear that fell. From the top of the hill at the house I heard a very familiar voice. “Get up, YOUR FINE!” It was a familiar phrase that sounded very peculiar to those listening. Shaking and crying I could barely walk. “STOP THAT LIMPING, YOUR FINE!” Even though I knew I wasn’t I squared my shoulders back, wiped the tears away and walked the most normal that I could to the top of the house. Even though I wasn't fine and had a tumor in my leg mom made sure I was strong and didn't show pain.

That was my momma, that was the way she raised me. Just because she was a single parent she set it upon herself to make sure I was not another statistic of a single parent situation. Life wasn’t easy, but there was always food on the table. I may not have had a dad around all the time growing up, but I had the most powerful thing; a praying mother.

My mother is the strongest woman I know and will ever know. The product of a strict Christian family, daughter of a woman of God who dropped to her knees before she complained even up till she passed. Her father was a man who knew what the essence of work truly was, a man who drove a school bus and cleaned the church for work even with his life long fight. The sister to the town hellion who drove his car too fast and drank liquor even faster. Her sister was a God fearing woman who took the Bible literally. Her other brother the proud business man who even after his wife died still worked for the state even though he could have retired and been comfortable. Raised in the lower income side of town in the foothills of Blue Ridge Mountains she was the first in her family to go to college. She not only got one degree but two. She worked herself through college and went on to be a missionary in the Middle East and a very influential minister in the Assemblies of God. She’s survived lung cancer as well as breast cancer and is still alive and kicking. Nothing can slow my momma down. Even during radiation this woman still ran three weekends of retreats for girls. She barely has said the word “No” in her life when it comes to helping others. Money has never been an object or a distraction. Excess is not in her vocabulary. She would rather stay at home and read a fiction book about the Amish with NASCAR on then go out and spend an afternoon at the mall. Racism has never shaded her eyes and judgment towards is never on her lips.

She’s the lady who has the bucket list which number one item is to see her son succeed and follow Jesus only topping going to her first NASCAR race. She loves country music but the Gaithers still fill our video cabinet. Shes proud but you would never know it. Momma never agreed with alcohol, tobacco, or a racaus lifestyle but rather dropped to her knees, prayed and supported her only child as he battled through that vicious fight. Shes the type of mom that would sing hymns when you were sick to comfort you and even at six in the morning as she gets ready for work. Late is not something defined by my mom. Three hours early is an understatement. She always drove me to practice and dealt with the attitude I had after a loss or even a broken bone. We had our fights and she never was afraid to slap me back to the right tone of voice. Mom is a woman of God. That is the only thing that she will admit to.

Momma raised me to be a man even when no man was around. She taught me how to be respectful to girls and checked me when I was wrong. She always has given the best advice on potential girlfriends, and when those relationships are over she is always the one on the other end of the phone still saying her favorite line “Your fine.” She raised me on hymns and classic TV Shows. She still cant stand when someone cusses on TV even in sports. She cried when I left home and still is there at the door when I come back. She tears up when she sees the flag and is proud of her son for defending it.

Even as I turn the page to the age of 23 I still have no shame nor will I ever as I am called a momma’s boy. Still calls me her baby boy even when I tower over her. Still is the one I call when im sick, having a rough day, or even when the Caps win another hockey game. She’ll surprise you with her tough as nails attitude and confuse you when she is the sweetest woman in the world. Even though she is my momma im still not embarrassed to go on our “dates” together. Whether if its meeting up for lunch after church or a hockey game after work. Not ashamed of giving my momma a hug. Even at 23 ill be mommas boy, and im proud of it. She is my inspiration and encouragement even when she is not around. Though I don’t see it I know she is on her knees at night praying for me even though I have given her every one of her gray hairs she tries to cover up with coloring.

My mom lived out the verse in proverbs that says to train up a child in the way they should go and when they are old they will not depart from it. Sometimes before I do something stupid I think not about what would jesus say, but rather what will momma do if im stupid and I embarrass her. I swear, when I was being a hellion I still was the only hell momma ever raised. Momma did the best she could with what she had when she raised me. But it will always be more than I ever deserved.

Momma is my best friend and im never gonna change that. So heres to you mom, my hero, my inspiration, my joy, pain, and sometimes frustration. Love you mom!

A Decade Later...

A Decade Later...

It was a day of terror. It was a moment in country's history that has defined and shaped our entire culture and society. Everything we do these days has been by some type of affect from what happened on that fateful day. September 11, 2001 will forever be engrained in the minds of those who witnessed it and live through the hours of that day. The results of that day are burnt by a torch in our minds eye as if we are never to forget what happened that day. We can remember where we were, What we were doing, as well as the emotion and the fear that we faced.

Though it has been a decade since that day of infamy recalling, reliving, and seeing the results of that fateful day bring up visions of seeing almost hell itself all over again. Though it has almost been a decade the pain and the emotions still can be seen fighting its way to the eyes surface in every American as they fight back tears of that day. The fear and uncertainty still haunts us like a reoccurring nightmare. We, for the first time since Pearl Harbor realized that our oceans no longer protected us. We were truly vulnerable. Everyone felt the uncertainty of it all. Though they were our leaders they were still at the forefront humans and felt the same fear that we felt that fateful day. No bunker, no vast open secure ranch, and no climb of Air Force One could ever escape the fear that was felt on that fateful day. Our words would be matched with stuttering as we watched in horror as people jumped out of the still standing towers to their deaths, and there was nothing we could do to change it or help them.

Some of the greatest cities on the face of the earth were now modern day warzones. We had been attacked by a cowering faceless enemy. Everyday Americans became filled with a bloodthirst desire for revenge and justice. Workers at Ground Zero on 9/12 were yelling and chanting "Go Get em George!" Cries of "USA" became a standard at every professional sporting game. Flags were unable to be purchased. The militaries numbers soared with enlistments of young men and women looking to be apart of that gallant fight for justice of the horrid crimes that had been committed. It was impossible to anticipate the days ahead, the emotional, consequential, and spiritual differening aspects that would be involved in the coming years as a result of that day.

As we screamed for justice and reprisal against our enemies, our nation answered with a blistering show of military strength. President Bush's words of his comments at Ground Zero had Come to fruition "I hear you, america hears you, the world hears you and the people who knocked these buildings down will hear all of us real soon." And these words given while standing on top of the rubble of a fire truck soon became one of the greatest speeches during this decade. Shock and Awe became a household term. We had entered a new type of fight. It was a new uncertain war. Our government didn't care about the politics and banter between parties, they united together and sent us to fight a brutal, unrelenting enemy.

Ten years later the world has changed. American policy has changed. We are vigilant, prepared, and willing to defend our borders at all costs. Some inconveniences were gained to secure our protection and safety. But taking off our shoes at an airport as well as waiting a few more minutes in line for our safety is worth it. Ten years we had searched for the leader of a brutal, fanatical, bloodthirsty terrorist organization. We had searched for that face of our faceless enemy that had attacked us...and no longer is it a faceless coward but yet a dead one resting under the weight and might of the ocean as if the weight and might of the arm of the american fortitude laid upon it. Even though we were in the mid of a economic crisis, a poor job market, two wars, sliding wall street investments, and a poor housing market the death of Bin Laden gave America a sense of closure it had not felt since the end of World War II. People poured into the streets, pro war as well as war protestors alike. This had given America a much needed shot in the arm. We had completed an undertaking of great magnitude. It gave Americans hope that carried over into every aspect of everyday life.

A decade later from that fateful day, we truly as Americans have a lot to be thankful for as well as a lot to remember. We as a country need to remember the attitude we once held to not get frustrated in the face of adversity and trials but rather to work through it hand in hand with our fellow citizens. If we can work through this situation we truly could work through anything we face as a nation. No matter the circumstances we must come together. A decade later we have a duty as Americans to remember what happened on that day of infamy. It will be a day of remembrance, a day of mourning, as well as a day of progress. We must remember the atrocities that were committed but also to remember the advancements we have made as a country. The death of those people in the Pentagon, Flight 92, and the Twin Towers will never be forgotten. But through the days after America has become stronger, smarter, and experienced. We have the true fortitude to fight through any problem. We have stood hand in hand with our neighbors and held hope. A decade later the pain is still there, the scar on lady liberty is still visible but it has not crippled us. We have won not only strategically but also psychologically. As the lights from Ground Zero pierced the sky above only days after the aftermath of 9/11 showing the world that we will never forget and never will we give up, we too as a country have shown the world that ever so much more by the way we have survived and lived these past ten years. We have shown the world that "We are America, we will survive, we will advance, we will never give up, and we will be victorious."

America Again...

Political state

Our country is struggling. But it is not dying. In the light of humanity our country is still young. Our democracy is still young but yet we act as if we have all the answers. We are in our toddler stages. Our terrible threes as it were. When things don't go the way we think they should we begin to wine and complain. We moan and cry for change and those in charge become a giant political windsock that move with changing winds.

Our countries values are the biggest crisis in our society. We have drifted so far from the base values that made this country great. We have taken the pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness for granted. We use to be a great nation that was revered, respected, and feared. We have a country that has citizens begging for help in the unemployment line, un educated children, rising crime rates. But yet we dare not volunteer unless it is our last option. We want a change but yet have no drive and determination to fight for it.

Only sixty years ago this country was in a John Wayne shaped mentality. Our grandfathers had this mentality in World War II, Korea, and even Vietnam. The men who lead are the ones who do work when work is needed to be done instead of having others to do it for them as they sit idly by. On December 8th 1941, our country scraped for change. In the wake of the morning after Pearl Harbor everything changed: perspectives, fears, even dreams. In a country where the majority of workers were men, women stood up to take a role in the future of our country. In that time in our history our country rose to the challenge instead of backing down from a fight. Their only goal, even for those who died was to make a better life for those who were at home as well as for their future children and grandchildren.

In 1776 this country wasn't concerned with not picking up the bill for what the price of freedom was. Young boys and men lost their lives fighting the greatest military in the world arguably one of the greatest superpowers in history. Others who could not fight gave financially losing everything to establish a country they believed in with no returns, not even a hope of it ever succeeding. Politicians then argued over the correct wording for our constitution. They argued over political strategies to come to terms with separating themselves from a ruthless dictator. They did this solely for the fact of creating a better life and not political gain. Our first three presidents had no desire to be president. They did not care to be in power but yet answered the call that was given them. But today our politicians are more concerned with the keeping of party lines as well as their political futures rather than the issues that face everyday Americans. Our citizens use to have a voice that mattered. Not they just get a pre-formed response letter and are a number in a statistic rather than a person with needs and thoughts. This is not to say that every desire should be met but rather people should be just that, people and not a number.

Instead of that John Wayne society and attitude we once had as country we have elected to take on a new shape as a Brad Pitt society. Now we don't care about our values and history. We don't care where we came from we just care about the facts of whether or not people truly accept us and if we look good to the world. We call it a new school line of thought. Those that serve and volunteer and work because there is work to be done rather than being forced are the odd ones. Those that serve the military are viewed as being un educated war mongers rather than being volunteers to protect freedom. Those that serve their country in the red cross are honored when there is a crisis but when there is none it is viewed as a lower middle class profession. Since when was the American dream a 90 grand Mercedes with a big house and all the gadgets you could want. The American dream was always for the freedom. The goal of the government was for the prosperity and good of it's constituents.

The president is right we do need a change. We need a change from lavish words during a campaign turned into empty promises. We need a change from party politics and pet projects that we are unwilling to let go of simply because it has a name on it. We need a change from the ignorance and denial of peoples every day needs. We need a change from just being voted by the people and yet not finishing what they wanted you to begin and still support young men dying over seas for the same cause. We need to get back to the way of life we were accustomed to in the past. A country with gusto and courage to fight for what they believe and stick with it all the way. A country with morals and beliefs that if threatened rip our emotions apart. A country that is ready for a fight but doesn't force them. And yet if a fight faces or confronts them they will not back no matter what. A country that cares more about the people rather than political agendas. We need to become America again.

Stripped

“Don't be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.”

Job 7:13-16
“When I think my bed will comfort me 
   and my couch will ease my complaint, 
even then you frighten me with dreams 
   and terrify me with visions, 
so that I prefer strangling and death, 
   rather than this body of mine. 
I despise my life; I would not live forever. 
   Let me alone; my days have no meaning.”

Job hits the nail right on the head. So many times our places of comfort and complacency offer us no rest. We find ourselves in a place in life where the sun is shining all the time. The problems of life seem to be completely non existent. Life is golden. Everything seems to be going right and looking up. This is the type of life that when we are living it we lose sight of our dependence on God. God will sometimes use situations to rock the very foundation we walk on as a tsunami to a vacation destination. An abrupt stoppage in the midst of our euphoria that we call perfection, when truly we do not realize that we have allowed ourselves to be seduced by one of the most dangerous situations for a Christian. A comfortable, complacent position is not one that is acceptable for a Christian.

For a short period of time i lived in a small Texas town outside of Dallas on a ranch. One of the duties i had during this time was to shear the llamas. Llamas are in themselves very elusive and sketchy creatures. You have to chase them down, corner them, grab hold of them by the neck and lead them to the barn. Once you are at the barn you have to force them to their knees and hold them down to shear all of the fur off of their bodies. They completely hate and despise this when in all actuality it is for their own good. The summers are too hot in Texas for a llama to keep their winter/spring coat. The unnecessary things need to be removed and stripped from their bodies so that they can be healthy and able to continue their daily lives as. The fur that is removed is not just discarded but has a purpose on the ranch whether to sell or even use as stuffing or a deterrent for enemies along the outlying areas of the ranch. This shearing time is not just a painful time for the llama but is also one for the cowboy as well. It can be frustrating just catching the llama because in the back of the cowboys mind he knows the entire purpose for this shearing. Watching the animal squirm and squeal once on its knees because it thinks its in danger wrenches the cowboy’s heart. He loves for the animal and only wants to see it healthy and useful. And once the animal is naked and the fur is stripped away there is a sense of relief in both the animal and cowboys mind that all the unnecessary weight and fur has been released and removed from the animal, even when the animal had no faith in the cowboys knowledge of what was best for them.

In our Christian walks we are so many times like that llama. We have become complacent with the “unnecessary fur” that we carry around on a daily basis. It brings us a sense of comfort as well as safety knowing that this will definitely shield us from the outside elements as well as the pain that may come our way. In this complacent state God wants us to be free of that idea of trusting in ourselves. We think that this is ok, that this whole idea is good. We run away from anything that we find or even see as uncomfortable or outside of normality in our own lives. We try escape situations that we know are going to force us to grow up spiritually as well as emotionally. God has to sometimes wrangle us by the necks and bring us to our knees to remove and strip away all the things that are holding us back, weighing us down, and are unnecessary in our lives. When are we going to get to the point where we can be comfortable in this pruning and refining process in our own life.
I have experienced this several times in my own life. I have experienced a variety of times that feeling of being taken out of my element of comfort and placed into a new situation where God has to remove some of the negative things out of my own life. It has not always been sin. This moment of pruning in my own life is definitely a necessary one. Every distraction that i have held onto and used to weasel my way out of uncomfortable situations has been removed. I am single, living alone in an apartment that has no internet, no television, and no cell phone service. I am living in an area where i knew one family coming down here. I stuck out like a sore thumb and was completely unprepared for what i would experience in such a short time as three months. But looking back, it was the stripping away of all this that i found the most value in. I found the need to rely on God to get me through my day. Every breath, every drop of energy, every word that i issue out of my mouth must come from my heavenly Father and supplier.

Without him ever present in our lives we are nothing but a pointless object, wearing ourselves out as we carry around all the unnecessary weight in our lives. If can bring ourselves to the position of humility as well as take that step of our faith and submit ourselves to the author and finisher of perfection we would see a drastic change. I wonder sometimes if we even realize what could be in our own lives. Are we so stuck on this idea of our sinful state that we have become comfortable with wallowing in our own pit of filth? Or is it fear that drives us to insanity and back as we search for a way out of this mess we lay in? We need to be able to give up what we think is good to chase after and obtain that which is great in God.

Whatever it truly is we need to realize that a stripping away of that fur in our life needs to take place on a daily basis.